


New Page

by asteroidfairy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:35:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29665308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asteroidfairy/pseuds/asteroidfairy
Summary: In which Doyoung got fed up with his feelings for Johnny.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Kudos: 14





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"Stop it! Stop acting like you really want me to stay," He yelled, covering his ears as if he was trying to block away his words. He tried to seem like he didn't care, just like the other did so effortlessly, but he really did care. He cared too much that it was beginning to rip him apart. Wanting him by his side but knowing he had to give him up because he saw how the other was unhappy with him. They were just friends and he had to remind himself of that fact every time he would catch himself falling. 

But that's what he thinks. Actually, none of them knew each others' sides of the story but that was only the case because they were too occupied with their own thoughts to even have a proper talk with the other. Not until one of them finally snapped. If I was to give advice based on their story, I would say that communication in any kind of relationship is vital. Choosing to bottle up your emotions is a very harmful and dangerous, but also brave, decision. That was what they both did; They refused to communicate while it was still early and look where it took them.

"Please," begging, he started to grow desperate. Everything was going great for him but all of the sudden, a realization that he will never have him and that he needed to let him go, hit him, causing him to have this breakdown. He just wanted this to end but he had no energy to. There was one this he wondered about throughout the moment though and that was if the other shared the same feelings as him. 

And he did. Maybe it was his fault that the younger was acting this way. That's what he told himself, and what he was sure of. How could he not have realized sooner? This is what happens when you love someone too hard. You get hurt. In Johnny's head were thoughts filled with regrets; thoughts that told 'well maybe if you made much more effort instead of shooing your feelings away and pretending as if he was just like every other person you've encountered.'

Doyoung stood away from him as he didn't want to stay near him. Though who can blame him? He was too hurt to even spare a glance. He already made a mistake of accidentally showing his true emotions and he did not want to make another one, thus, making him shut him out and not even letting him speak his own opinions. 

With tears rolling down his eyes, he suddenly dropped to the ground due to exhaustion from crying, his hand gripping strands of his dark hair while the other attempted to hide his vulnerability. This caught Johnny off guard but he had no clue what to do as he was also holding his own emotions in, which he told himself not to do but he didn't want to be even more of a burden to the other. 

The sobs were getting louder by the second and still he could not move at all. Call him pathetic but he really didn't know how to approach the younger. Doyoung was always the calm one, the one who had always helped Johnny with his problems, so this side was something new to him. It was his mistake for not realizing sooner that his actions affected the younger. If only he hadn't been so focused on trying to get him out of his head. 

\--

"Happy Valentine's day-," In a cheery tone, he greeted his long time best friend but his enthusiasm was crushed when he saw the sight in front of him. His smile turned into a frown as he noticed the tear stains on the younger's face which was actually a rare sight. The last time he has seen the other cry was when they were in fourth grade and Doyoung was rushed into the hospital but he was more devastated about accidentally dropping his ice cream cone on the way than his broken bones. To say his heart was aching seeing him act as if he was just fine with that obvious fake smile was an understatement. He was crushed.

"You okay?" Obviously he wasn't and the taller could see that but he wanted to know the reason behind his tears. Little did he know that it was really all about him. 

There are three problems in Doyoung's life; His future, his family, and him. 

"Yeah." Lowkey shocked because of how the beanstalk noticed his sudden strange mood, he frowned. He should've been happy that he was worried about him or something but no, he just didn't want to believe that he cared. Sure, they have been best friends for ages but according to what Doyoung truly believed, he seemed to have never given a care for their friendship. Curse my heart for falling for him, he thought.

At this point, was it really about them being friends that he was worrying about? Or was it about his unspoken words.

"I should be the one asking you that. You never asked how I was doing so what's up with you?" This statement of his surprised the latter. Seeing his reaction, he let out a scoff. "Just come in, if that's what you're here for."

"Did I do something?" Honestly, he really didn't do anything. That was the problem. Deep inside, they both knew that their relationship was falling into pieces but it was their mistake how they were not doing anything about it. Maybe they thought that the last piece of string holding them together could help them get back on their feet. Well, as expected, the string finally gave in to the strength pulling on both sides without it even fixing them. 

\-- 

Sighing, Johnny took him into his arms despite his efforts in pushing him away. "I don't want to lose you, Doyoung." That sentence alone made the butterflies swarm back into his stomach. But he still disregarded it like he always did. If there was something he knew well about Johnny, it was that he sometimes say things that he didn't really mean. 

Gathering the small amount of energy he had left, he tried to compose himself. "What am I to you, Johnny?"

"What do you mean? I- We're best friends, right?" That was the most obvious answer, but it wasn't what satisfied the other. There was a slight hesitation in the taller's voice that made him question everything. If that was really what he thought they were, then why did he stutter? Why was he so unsure?

Finally having the courage to speak, Doyoung confessed everything that he had in his head. "Well, I don't want us to be. I'm tired of trying to keep up with you. Tired of knowing that I'm probably just a second option and that you'll never love me back like I do. I'm so done with this so called friendship. You never put effort into this relationship so I'm backing out.

That's when it hit Johnny that he was doing this wrong the entire time. "But I do love you too. In the same way that you do."

"Then good luck trying to get over those feelings because I don't want anything to do with you anymore."

"Please don't do this, Doyoung-" Just like the younger was crying earlier, it was Johnny's turn to cry. A new waterfall of regret opened up in his brain, calling out to the other and wanting to say sorry to him, wanting to try and fix things. But his mouth was shut tight. If that's really what would make him happy. 

"Let's face it, Johnny, our life together was just fated to go wrong."

Wiping his tears and managing to get away from the taller, he managed to push him out of his home. "Can't I prove that I changed?"

Forcing himself to not give in and let his heart take over once again, he ignored his question. "I hope you find your real soulmate. I hope I find mine as well..."

"...Bye, Johnny Suh."

And with that, he shut the door and let his new set of tears fall. 

If they really were meant to be, then they would find their way back to each other again. Maybe as friends, or as lovers, or maybe even as strangers who want to get to know each other again. But that story is for the future. For now, they needed to end this chapter of their lives.


End file.
